Imperfection

As a mother with a full-time career and an aspiring coaching business, my days are full.

There are many things to consider, to remember, to take care of. The mental load is real. I feel it very clearly.

So how do I deal with it?

I try to make things easier. And I prioritize.

I look at what I can realistically do and take care of—and what I need to let go of or delegate.

Some of it is practical. I started ordering food boxes for dinner. My daughter cleans the bathroom once a week. My son does the vacuuming. My boyfriend has stepped up significantly since we talked about it.

And I stopped taking responsibility for everything.

Not for presents on his side of the family.
Not for organizing time with his friends (and I decline every second invitation).
Not for all the garden work.
Not for all the house maintenance.
Not for washing his clothes.
Not for making sure of the good mood at all times.

And maybe most importantly: I allow myself to fail.

To forget things.
To deliver work that is not perfect.
To do a bit instead of everything.

I let go of control in many areas. (Control seems to be a recurring theme.)

In the end, it comes down to choices.

What is really important?
What can I accept being less perfect?
What do I want to achieve—and what will it cost me?

Because everything has a cost.

Right now, it costs me warm dinners every evening.
A perfectly clean and tidy house at all times.
Attending every parents’ meeting at school.
Calm afternoons on the terrace, knitting or reading a book.
A perfectly tuned body.

And what it does not cost me—or what I consciously choose to protect—is something else.

A good connection to my children.
A healthy career.
Ambition, growth, and fun.
A deeply intimate relationship.
Enough exercise to stay well.
Sleep.

And still, even with all these choices, life pushes me to my limits again and again.

The people around me will recognize this: I often say that I am tired.

I am tired a lot.

And maybe that is the part I cannot optimize away.

Or maybe it is a signal.

Because if I am honest, it might be time to look inward again—and make a few more changes.